Her Darkness
by Belle-fille2012
Summary: What if Alice wasn't Jasper's mate? What reason would he have to stay with the Cullen's? Did he want to regain some of his humanity or were his motives a bit more sinister? And what about Bella? If she had a darkness in her that Edward couldn't understand, who would she turn to?
1. Chapter 1

Most days I tried to keep the darkness at bay but there were other days that it took hold of me, creeping in on my mind like a black smoke, impenetrable by even the brightest of lights. On those days there was nothing I found comfort in, no hand to ease my suffering, no kind words whispered in my ear. I road it out, sometimes it was a few hours, maybe a day or two, after it pasted my life went on as if nothing had happened. No one noticed, and that was just fine with me. I hadn't asked anyone to care. There was one person that I let in, my father, even though he was half way across the country. In my darkest of hours he was the one that I looked to, I didn't ask for his comfort, he just knew to give it. Others had tried but to no avail. We didn't speak often my father and me, so I'm sure he was surprised when I called him that day and asked to go and stay with him.

It was just after Christmas, I didn't want to live in this place anymore, it held nothing for me, no good memories, not even a person I would miss. Since he and my mother had separated I had lived with her, I didn't ask for many things so he complied with my request without so much as a breath of a question.

So on this day, I arrived in the town of Forks. My arrival was met with a downpour, most people thought rain to be an inconvenience I on the other had felt most at home in the rain. It had a rather magical way of wiping clean the past, no matter how dirty. I hadn't given my father very much notice of my arrival; this is how I now found myself sitting in the back of a cab driving to my father's house.

My father, Charlie Swan he was a policeman. He was strong, he had a very quiet way about him he didn't speak often but when he did, everyone listened. The authority rang out in his voice, affecting those around him as if he somehow held all the answers. I knew well that he in fact didn't have every answer to every problem, I first learned this at the ripe old age of six when my mother walked out, I had few memories of that day but I heard the story enough times to know what had happened. My mother said she couldn't stand the small town life; she had gotten pregnant at 18 and married my father just out of high school. Her parents didn't support her which wasn't all too uncommon for small town people, Charlie being the man he was promised her a life of love. He would work every day to give her the life she wanted, he couldn't give her grand expensive things but he could give her all the love he had in his heart. It seemed though, that this wasn't enough for her. In her mind she just fell out of love, but I couldn't be sure she ever had really loved him because to love someone is to give them a piece of you and a woman like my mother didn't know how to give. Charlie gave all of himself to her with no question and when she left she ripped him in two. She never did see the pain she caused him; this was her big flaw she couldn't see what was inside other people.

The cab driver stopped at the house that I hadn't seen in so many years, it hadn't changed from what I could see. I stepped out into the rain and retrieved my bag with the help of the cab driver and trekked up the steps toward my childhood home. I reached up to retrieve the key I knew Charlie had hidden there for me. It was only 3 p.m. on a Sunday so I knew Charlie would be at the station. I went straight up to my old room to set down my bag. From what I could see my room hadn't changed too much, the bed in the corner, a window facing the backyard, a nightstand, and nothing on the walls. It was plain, clean, simple, and that was ok with me I didn't want complicated or extravagant. I was like my father that way. I went to my bed and sat just quietly for a minute; I looked out the window and watched as the rain fell down around the little house. I didn't know what would come of my life in the following months but I did know that here, in this town, in this house it would be better.

I decided I wouldn't bother unpacking just yet; instead I went to explore my new house. Charlie's room was right down the hall from mine, the door was open slightly I could see an unmade bed but other than that it was fairly well kept. Our shared bathroom was right by the stairs that lead down to the living room and kitchen. There wasn't much in the way of decoration upstairs but as I went down I noticed the fireplace mantle held pictures of me from when I was a baby to my sophomore picture. I didn't like taking pictures anymore; they were a bit too revealing for my taste. My memories of the past few years were crisp enough without photographic proof. The furniture in Charlie's living room was well worn but not tattered. The whole room and I warm feeling, very inviting, definitely not what I expected from a bachelor. The kitchen was another story all together; the fridge was sparse to say the least. Some moldy cheese, leftover pizza, and a six pack. I would have to go shopping later; it seemed that Charlie was much like Renee in the kitchen, clueless. My mother and I survived on takeout Chinese food and TV dinners until I was old enough to reach the stove and make us real food. I was certainly no expert chef but I could hold my own in the kitchen, I had yet to give anyone food poising. I moved into the dining room and found a small table with all matching chairs, another surprise. There were no placemats and water stains from glasses being set down without a coaster, not much of a surprise. There was a large window in the dining room that looked out to the front yard and a porch that wrapped around half the house to the backyard. This was one thing I did really like; it was covered by the overhang from the roof and a nice swing in front.

I stepped out onto the porch and walked around to the back, it was still raining but I stayed relatively dry. The air was cold and the wind from the rain whipped at my skin, I hugged my arms around myself but I didn't feel like going back inside to get a jacket. I looked out to the backyard, there was no fence, and the back of the house was right against the forest. I searched out in the forest, for what I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how long I stood there but once I heard a car pull up I walked back around to the front and saw my father's police cruiser pull into the empty driveway. I watched my father get out of his car, pulling his jacket up around his neck to try and shield from the rain. You would think after living here from so long he would know to carry an umbrella but apparently not. He was in full uniform, gun and all. I had seen him just six months ago but he seemed to have aged quite a bit, he was only 37, he would turn 38 in March just two month away. He had managed to keep a full head of brown hair, and an equally as brown mustache. He was fit for a small town cop; all the pizza and beer must be getting burned off somehow. He ran from his car and up the steps onto the porch before looking up, when he did his face revealed his surprise; it wasn't everyday someone snuck up on him.

"Bella, darn I was trying to get home before you got here. Have you been here long?" he walked towards me and looked me over as if he was trying to assess what sort of damage might have happened in his absence.

"I haven't been here long, and I'm fine dad." I guess he thought his searching would go unnoticed.

"I never said you weren't," he tried to play dumb and that was fine with me, we both knew the truth. He stepped forward and pulled me into a hug, not something he normally did my father was many things but a hugger he was not. I wrapped my arms around him anyway; he was warm despite the chill in the air and just being out in the rain.

"Are you hungry? We could go grab some food at the diner." He suggested as he pulled out of our hug.

"Well unless you want to fill up on beer then I'd say it's our only option," he laughed as he held open the door for me.

"Been snooping already? Let me go put away some things and then we can leave." He meant his gun, not sure why he didn't want to just come out and say it.

The drive to the diner was short and fairly quiet, I liked that about Charlie, and he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. He did ask the normal questions, how my flight was, did I have any trouble finding a cab, normal dad stuff. The diner was called Sue's it was right in between Forks and a neighboring Native American reservation.

We pulled into a spot and made a run for the door, the rain had lightened up a bit but it was still coming down. The diner was warm and bright with a very mom and pop feel to it, Charlie lead me to a booth in the back. He sat facing the diner as if he was keep watch, the cop in him coming out I suppose. For a Sunday night it wasn't very busy but that was to be expected in small town America. I was looking over the menu when a woman walked up, she was a little older than Charlie, early forties maybe she had a sweet smile and very kind eyes.

"Hey Charlie, this must be the infamous Bella." She smiled at us both.

"Hi Sue, this is Bella. Bella this is Sue, she lives on the reservation." This was clear from the lovely russet color of her skin.

"It's nice to meet you." I reached out and shook her hand; she had a very gentle touch I could just tell she was a mother.

"How are Harry and the kids?" Charlie asked and they chatted for a few minutes, I didn't pay too much attention instead I looked out the window at the ever present rain, it was dark now and the moon was hidden by clouds.

Our dinner was pleasant, I asked questions about work and he asked if I was nervous about school tomorrow. It was the middle of senior year, an odd time to be starting a new school but that didn't matter to me. I wasn't scared of a few high schoolers, my course load would be light I had taken a lot of advanced placement classes at my old school so I was ahead of the game and most of the current students.

The drive home was quick and painless; I excused myself to my room to unpack while Charlie grabbed a beer and watched Sports Center. I didn't bring many things with me, mostly clothes and other essentials in my luggage that I brought with me and I had shipped just one box. Physical things held very little value to me after the past few years I had. I arranged my clothes in the closet and dresser, I wasn't really into fashion but I didn't dress like a slob either. I guess I put enough energy into my appearance to look presentable but nothing more. I made quick work of unpacking and was soon getting ready for bed; tomorrow was my first day of my last year in high school. The next six months would pass by, with any hope, quickly and then high school would be over and the next chapter would start, I didn't know where that would lead, but anywhere was better than backwards.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke the next morning early, before my alarm went off which was nothing new. I didn't try to roll over and go back to sleep, I already knew my efforts would be fruitless. Sleep didn't come easily to me, my dreams were filled with questions of the future and memories of the past, the most likely cause of these dreams could be because during my waking hours I preferred to remain in the present. I didn't let my mind wander too far for fear of getting lost.

I began my morning routine, grabbing my things and taking them to the bathroom. I turned on the water for a shower and hopped in without testing the water, I never did. I thought perhaps this was because I didn't allow for surprises in my life, I was always guarded. I was the first to admit I had a wall around myself, I wouldn't say I was scared, there were very few things that could truly scare me, but rather I was too tired to try to acclimate to change. I didn't consider myself I weak person, I could hold my own I didn't need someone to take my hand and guide me through anything that life had to throw at me. I had seen hell, walked through it alone and pulled myself free with no help. I didn't oppose to being helped, I didn't consider myself above it but I had made it so far alone I didn't see why I should try to change that now.

I showered quickly enough, dressing simply and choosing to leave my hair down to dry naturally. I didn't wear jewelry often, only one ring and only while I was at school, I wore it on the middle finger of my right hand, it had a thick band and a butterfly graced the top.

As I stepped out of the bathroom I could see that Charlie was no longer in his room, I stood still to listen for signs that he was down stairs but heard nothing. It was only 7 a.m. so he must have been called in early. I dropped my toiletries off in my room, grabbed my backpack and made my way down stairs. I hadn't gone to the grocery store yet so there was still nothing to eat and I wasn't desperate enough to try and eat the cheese. I went to see if Charlie had left any coffee in the pot when I noticed two keys sitting on a piece of paper. One key was what looked to be a car key and the other was a key to the house, I picked up the paper and in Charlie's chicken scratch was a note, _"Have a good first day."_ A man of many words my father was not but as I looked out to the driveway I was reminded of his great capacity for kindness. On the driveway there was a red truck parked. I was at a loss, I had never had a car, I had gotten my license a few months before but that was just because I felt like at 18 I needed to know how to drive.

I grabbed my things and stepped outside to take a look at my new car, it was an older model but it looked much safer than any of the newer cars. I hopped inside, I would be early to school but I wanted to go for a test drive. It took a few minutes to get use to the size of the truck, and it didn't go very fast but I wasn't going to be street racing anytime soon so it didn't bother me all that much.

There was only one high school in Forks, it wasn't very big but you could spot it from the highway. It was maybe 15 minutes from Charlie's house. The parking lot was mostly empty; the cars that were there were older much like mine. The town of Forks wasn't known for extravagant thinks, most families did well but there were no million dollar mansions to be found, mainly modest homes in quiet suburbs.

I parked close to the office building, as I stepped out of my truck a gust of wind whipped my wet hair around my face. I tried to hurry into the building, in my rush out the door this morning I had forgotten to grab a jacket. I opened the door to the office and was greeted with a rush of warm air and the smell of coffee.

"Hello dear, you must be Isabella. Your father told me you would be arriving today." I looked up to see that the voice belonged to an older woman with graying hair that was in a tight bun on top of her head. The fact that she knew who I was just went to show how small town Forks really was.

"Bella, I just needed to get my schedule." I didn't like when people called me Isabella, there were memories that screamed from the back of my mind whenever people called me that.

"Bella then," her smile wasn't forced nor was it overbearing but for some reason I disliked it. I hadn't smiled in two years, not even a grin or smirk. "Here's your schedule and a map of the school, it shouldn't be too hard to navigate. If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask one of the students or teachers, everyone here is very nice. Good luck." I grabbed the papers she handed me, thanked her and left the office to go find my first class.

The parking lot had filled slightly with more students; most were standing around talking probably trading stories of the events over the holidays. I was looking down at my schedule when I heard a boy yell my name.

"Hey, Isabella!" That was going to get old quickly. I looked up to see the boy running towards me, he was gangly, his skinny arm waved above his head trying to get my attention.

"It's Bella," I corrected once he had reached me. Closer up I could see freckles were splattered across his cheeks. He had a large smile permanently plastered to his face.

"Cool! So, do you need help finding your first class?" he seemed harmless but I wasn't much for making friends.

"No, that's fine. Thank you though." This didn't seem to affect him at all, I got the feeling he was used to hearing no.

"I'm Mike by the way," He stuck out his hand for me to shake, when I placed my hand in his, his smile seemed to defy physics and got even bigger.

"Nice to meet you," I had to use a little force to claim my hand back, I had no problem with people but I felt so disconnected with others my age. They were immature and riddled with hormones. I had little to nothing in common with people my age.

"You too, you sure you don't need any help?" he almost seemed to bounce up and down with excitement almost like a new puppy would.

"I'm sure, thank you again." I walked around him and headed towards my first class.

"See you at lunch Bella!" I heard Mike screech over the group of bodies between us, I didn't turn around.

I only had 5 classes compared to most of the other students who had 7 or 8. I have three of my classes, then lunch after my other two classes were done I would get to go home. I had just finished my third class and was heading toward the cafeteria when a familiar face appeared by my side.

"Hey Bella, how was class? Do you like it so far? Want to sit with me at lunch?" his rushed words seem to tumble over each other, like he had to get them all out at once or he might not be heard.

"What question would you like me answer first?" I wasn't particularly amused by Mike; my reply came out a little harsher than intended but he just laughed. Before he could rush out whatever reply he had waiting behind his lips we were approached by several people who I assumed were friends of his. Introductions were made and by the time they were done I couldn't remember a single name. We were herded like cattle into the cafeteria by the large crowd. After going through the lunch line Mike grabbed my elbow and lead me to his table. I sat down and the group started talking about mundane topics. I ate my food and considered my day so far, the classes were easy it seemed like a light homework load. People had left me alone, excluding Mike, and I preferred it that way.

"Hey Bella, you're from Arizona right?" The boy whose name escaped me called from a few seats down the table.

"That's right," I was glad that most people had seemed to know I liked being called Bella.

"Do you have a boyfriend back in Arizona?" I looked across from me and found a girl; I think her name might have been Laura, or Lauren. She had a nasally voice and her face was wrench up into a scowl, she had long blonde hair the she obnoxiously flipped over her shoulder. I was already taking a dislike to this girl.

"No, I've been single for a few years now." Which was true, I hadn't been with anyone since I was 16.

"What? Is nobody good enough for you?" she seemed to be trying to get a rise out of me. I had a feeling like this girl needed to be the center of attention, whether it was in a good or bad light.

"'The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.'" I didn't let girls like her get to me, not that I really let anyone get to me, not on an emotion level.

"You have a dog?" I turned to look at Mike and had to seriously hold back an eye roll.

"Mike, you're and idiot," the boy who had asked me about Arizona quipped.

"Shut up Tyler!" Tyler, that was his name. Mike tossed one of his fries down the table toward Tyler. Immature, hormone riddled teenagers.

"It's Mark Twain," I informed Mike. He turned his head to the side like a dog might; it made him look like an idiot.

"Who is?" I was beginning to wonder how he made it to 12th grade.

"The quote, Mark Twain said it." I looked up and saw a tall boy, though he didn't look much like a boy, he looked to be about 20 he was pale and had shaggy blonde hair. He was standing by the table with his hands in his pockets. "I'm Jasper by the way." He sounded like he was from the south, maybe Texas.

"I'm Bella," I didn't think I said my own name so many times in one day.

"I know," he smirked at me and walked away. I looked back down at my food not thinking much about the interaction but after a few seconds I noticed the table was quiet. Looking up I saw everyone at the table had their mouths hanging open as if they were trying to catch flies.

"What?" I didn't get why everyone was looking at me as if I had just sprouted a third eye.

"That was Jasper, Jasper Hale and he just talked to you!" Laura or Lauren was the first to speak; her voice had taken on an octave that I didn't think dogs could even hear.

"Yea, I don't get it." What was the big deal? He was a nice looking guy I supposed, the tousled blonde was I nice thing. He was tall, he seemed to have a nice body but I wasn't really paying attention.

"Jasper doesn't talk to anyone; neither does any of his family." A girl spoke from beside Laura; she had shorter dark brown hair and light olive skin. She spoke softly but had a kind face. She turned to point to the table in the back of the cafeteria, there were five very pale people sitting there they seemed to be animatedly discussing something. They all seemed to be attractive like Jasper was, one might even say they were beautiful.

"The big guy and the slutty blonde are together, like together together. And they all live in the same house; they're all adopted but still, EW." Laura's nasally voice reached my ears once again, she spoke of the family with a critical tone. This was a small town; people don't do well with different.

"Lauren, Rosalie isn't slutty. She's just rude sometimes." The sweet girl with brown hair spoke again; I guess I was wrong about the blonde girl's name, Lauren I'd have to remember that.

"Angela, she sleeps with her brother, gross!" I didn't take offence to the relationship between the two; if they loved each other than what did it matter? But I had a very different upbringing than Lauren did, I valued love. It was one of the most pure things on earth.

"Jasper and Rosalie Hale are twins, Emmett Cullen is her boyfriend and the other two are Alice and Edward Cullen." Angela ignored Laurens outburst, she seemed to be more open about trying to except their relationship.

"Are they all in the same grade?" they looked like they were different ages but I couldn't quite tell from here.

"The twins and Emmett are seniors like us but Alice and Edward are juniors." Angela explained as she pointed to them. Lauren sneered at Angela then turned her gaze to me.

"What about you, don't you think it's gross?" one side of her mouth turned up, she looked at me as if she was about to prove herself right.

"I have no right to judge them. I'm not a part of their relationship; I don't know what they've gone through so I can't label them right or wrong. The love they share could be the most pure thing in the world. I don't know them, but no I don't find it 'gross' I have no right to." Laurens gaze slowly turned into a glare as I spoke. She opened her mouth to say something but the bell rang for class. As if they were a flock of birds every student in the cafeteria stood, gathering their things and started toward their next class.

Biology was my last class of the day, I walked in and the teacher pointed to a desk toward the back of the room. I sat down and the boy next to me was on of Jaspers siblings, Edward I think his name was. I didn't introduce myself but that wasn't really surprising. The teacher started his lecture but I was familiar with the information so I didn't pay much attention until I noticed Edward. I didn't consider myself an oblivious person, I was perceptive, I could tell when someone was looking at me, and a lot of people had today, but I chose to ignore it. When I looked down and saw Edwards hand clenched into a fist on top of the desk it didn't go unnoticed. He had his chair as far away from me as the desk would allow, he was leaning away from me and he had his head turned the other way. I was about to ask if he was ok which wasn't something I did but then thought that it maybe wasn't a good idea. I knew from experience that sometimes that worst thing anyone could do, so I held my tongue.

The 45 minute class seemed to drag a little, and the whole time Edward stayed stiff as a board. The bell rang to dismiss us and Edward shot out of his seat like something bit him, and rushed out of class leaving his jacket behind. I packed up my things and grabbed his jacket, I went out in the hall to try and find Edward but he was nowhere to be seen. I decided to take it with me and give it back to him tomorrow.

After a quick trip to the grocery store I was on my home to surprise Charlie with dinner. I was going to make his favorite meal, lasagna. The recipe was my grandmothers, Charlie's mom. She died with I was 12 but I came down for the summer a few times and she taught me how to cook. Thank god for her or Renee and I would have been stuck eating man n cheese and hotdogs for years.

By the time Charlie got home the lasagna was almost done and I finished what little homework I had.

"Hey Bella, what smells good?" he put his jacket on the coat rack by the door and kicked off his boots.

"Lasagna and garlic bread," I went to check on the lasagna, the cheese was bubbling so I switch the oven to warm.

"Wow Bella, you didn't have to do that." He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

"I wanted to say thank you, for the truck." He looked down at his sock clad feet and shuffled awkwardly.

"It's nothing; my friend Billy on the Rez had his son fix it up. You didn't have to do all this." He waved his hand around the kitchen trying to explain.

"It's no big deal Dad, why don't you go get cleaned up? This is almost ready." He mumbled a response and went up the stairs.

Dinner went along just fine; Charlie asked questions about school I asked about work, until I brought up the Cullen's. He had asked if I people were nice, I said kind of and of course he asked what that meant.

"There was a boy who came up to me and introduced himself at lunch, and the people I was with acted like it was a big deal. They said some things about the guy and his siblings."

"Who were these kids that they were talking about?" he didn't look up from his plate but sounded interested enough.

"The Cullen's I-," I stopped talking when Charlie slammed his fist down on the table top. It made me jump, I could feel my heartbeat pick up and my eyes widened, I'm sure I looked like a deer in the middle of the road about to get hit head one by an SUV.

"Those stupid children, there isn't anything wrong with that family! Just because they're different…" Charlie looked up at my wide eyes and several emotions passed over his face, confusion, realization, sorrow. "Crap, Bella. I'm sorry sweetie." He reached his hand toward mine but I pulled it back like he stung me.

"It's fine." I stood and took my plate to the sink and started washing the dishes from dinner. Charlie walked into the kitchen with his plate, I didn't turn to look just held my hand out for his plate. He put the plate in my hand but didn't let go, I tried to pull it from him but had no luck.

"Dad…" I didn't want to talk about what had just happened, I couldn't explain, I just couldn't. He didn't say anything; he just put the plate on the counter, grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. I could feel myself relax at his touch, if anyone else had tried to do this they would be in for it but with Charlie it was different. He didn't say anything and it was just what I needed.

After a minute he let me go and looked at me.

"I'm sorry Bella; I didn't mean to get angry. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's fine Dad. It's my fault anyway; I know you wouldn't do anything." I looked down, and not for the first time I wished I wasn't broken.

"It's not your fault. None of this is Bella, why don't you go up to bed? I'll clean up in here." He kissed the top of my head. I dragged my feet up the stairs, I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I fell into bed that night and had dreams of rain, and of a pale blonde boy. That night my sleep wasn't poisoned with past nightmares, and for that I was thankful.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning was much like the one before except there was actual food in the fridge so I could have breakfast. Charlie was gone by the time I got up so I sat at the table eating cereal and drinking coffee.

The drive to school was quick I had Edwards jacket in my front seat so I could give it back to him at lunch. I pulled into a parking spot; there were a lot more cars today so I had to park farther from the building. I hopped out of the cab and could see someone coming towards me as I locked my truck.

"Hey Bella."

"Jasper," I still didn't quite understand the dynamic of his family or the sudden interest he seemed to have in me. He walked up and stood just a few feet in front of me, I had to look up to meet his eyes I didn't realize he was so tall. Closer up, I could see that he was leaner than Edward but taller by a few inches. His eyes were a very odd color, almost golden.

"I looked for you after school yesterday but you weren't here." He was smirking; it was a little too cocky to be called a smile.

"Oh really?" I didn't offer any information of my whereabouts; I had little to no interest in getting close to anyone.

He looked down at me and seemed to be concentrating on something, something flashed across his face, confusion maybe? I acted like I hadn't seen anything and stepped around him.

"See you later Bella." He yelled after me, I'm sure half the parking lot heard but that was ok. I wasn't one that got embarrassed easily.

My first three classes passed quickly and soon it was time for lunch. Mike was waiting for me outside my class, waiting to walk me to lunch. When I told him I had to go to my car first and the look on his face was like I told him his puppy died, but he recovered quickly and said he would see me soon. I retrieved the jacket from my truck and made my way back inside.

I walked past my table and toward the Cullen's, Edward was the first to look up when I got to the table.

"You left this in biology yesterday." I handed the jacket and he took it but didn't say anything. He looked surprised they all did, it was then that I noticed the cafeteria was very quiet. I turned around and saw most of the students looking in my direction. I started walking back to my table until I heard my name.

"Bella, you didn't tell me where you were yesterday." It was Jasper; he had gotten up and was now in front of me he had that same smirk on his face. Maybe he thought it was sexy or mysterious but I wasn't impressed.

"You didn't ask," it was true, he hadn't he probably expected me to willing give it to him just because he spoke to me. I was less impressed than the rest of Forks high.

"What are you doing after school?" he didn't seem to be fazed by my lack of answer he had his hands in his pockets again. I looked a little bit closer at Jasper, he was indeed attractive. He was lean but still muscular; he had on a button up shirt over a t shirt and a leather jacket over it all. It was a nice enough picture, but still I didn't feel the need to swoon at his feet. That could be the reason he was so interested in me.

"Why do you want to know?" I wasn't impressed with men who were boastful and he seemed to be one.

"Why don't you come over? We can study together." As soon as the words left his mouth Edward pushed his chair back, scraping the legs loudly across the linoleum and left the cafeteria.

"No thanks." I turned around and walked to my table, as soon as I sat down the room exploded with discussion, most likely of what just happened. The people around me asked questions as if they hadn't just seen the whole thing happen.

I looked over to where the four remaining Cullen's were sitting, Jasper was looking up at me and smirking, Alice was shaking her head, Emmett was trying to cover up his laugh and Rosalie reach across the table and smack Jasper on the back of the head. This caused Emmett to bust out laughing as Jasper rubbed the back of his head. I looked away, I didn't know what was going on with those five but something was off.

Going into biology I didn't know what to expect, it made me very uneasy. I walked in to see Edward in his seat like nothing had happened yesterday. I took my seat next to him and started to pull out my notes when he turned to look at me.

"Hi, I'm Edward." I looked up to see this bronze haired boy looking at me as if nothing in the world was wrong. This was the first time I had seen his face so close, he was attractive like his brother. He had a sharp jaw and the same golden eyes as Jasper although his seemed brighter than his brothers. I had heard they were all adopted, right?

"Hi, I'm Bella." He didn't hold his hand out to me; both his hands were resting on his legs under the table but today they weren't clenched in fists just lying flat on this thigh. He smiled at me then grabbed his things for class.

We didn't speak for the rest of the class, I didn't take notes but Edward seemed to be writing down every word. I noticed he had his jacket on; maybe he had been cold this morning without it.

When the bell rang I was about to get up and leave when I felt a hand on my arm. I looked up and Edwards face was very close to mine, his hand was freezing cold and I wondered why he didn't bring a heavier jacket.

"I'm sorry about earlier, at lunch. My brother's behavior was unacceptable." His eyes looked very intense, I didn't like that look I pulled my arm from under his hand and leaned away from him.

"Why are you apologizing for him?" I knew he was strange but there was something here that I didn't understand, how did he and Jasper have the same strange eye color? What was wrong with him yesterday?

"No reason, it's nothing. Never mind," He stood up and left the room without looking back.

I felt so drained; this day had not gone as planned. Everything was supposed to be simple, go to Forks, graduate high school and move on. But there were all these other factors, none of which I wanted to be involved in.

I gathered my things and trudged out to my truck. I felt like my body was dragging along behind me, almost like dead weight. I felt such a disconnect between my body and my soul I wasn't even sure they both belonged to me anymore.

As I pulled into the driveway I noticed Charlie's cruiser was already there. I didn't bother getting my things out of my truck. I walked into the house and heard Charlie on the phone; I was going to excuse myself to my room when I heard him say my name.

"Bella hasn't even smiled once since she got here, what did you do? I can see it in her eyes, she's broken and she won't let me help!" there was a pause as the person on the other line spoke. Whoever it was, he seemed angry, I could only think of one person he could be talking to, Renee. "Did you try to help her at all? Or were you too concerned about yourself?! Christ Renee, she just came back six months ago! We lost her for two years and we might lose her again the way things are going. She's skin and bones, she can't sleep, it's no wonder why she came here!" I knew what he was talking about; I hadn't noticed I lost all that much weight but I suppose I didn't pay attention to it. I didn't want to hear anymore, I started to walk up the stairs but I wasn't quick enough and I heard more than I wanted to.

"All of this is his fault! How could you protect him when he did that to your daughter?" he kept talking into the phone but I didn't listen. I could feel it coming again, it started at my feet, the black smoke, and it made my feet sluggish like it was seeping into my skin. I tripped going up the stairs but caught myself just before I fell. I rushed into my room and tried to make it to my bed but the smoke had made its way up my legs and I fell to my knees on the floor. I closed my eyes and begged for unconsciousness, the worst part was coming I could almost smell it, the way you smell a big storm coming. The smoke crept up my stomach and I was hit with a wave of nausea, I fell on all fours and dry heaved.

The smoke was relentless, it didn't care it just continued to consume me. I felt it in my lungs; it felt heavy like I was breathing in cigarette smoke, I felt like my lungs were being filled the concrete and I couldn't breathe. The smoke didn't give me time to catch my breath, it wrapped around my heart. I could feel my heart rate pick up, and then it was as if the smoke squeezed my heart, and it beat uncontrollably. I felt it was much like a small animal that had just been caught by a predator, it squirmed and writhed trying to escape but all efforts were futile. I fell to the floor with a loud thud, the smoke reached my neck and I felt it choking me. It was almost here, the darkness it would come and consume everything I was, taking what whatever it could, slowly sucking the life from my body. I felt a tear slip down my cheek and then it was there. The darkness was there, in my mind taking away all the light from my body. I didn't lose consciousness but I was no longer in control of my body or my mind. In vivid detail the horrors of my past were played like a movie in my head. And then I saw it, possibly more horrible than my past. My future.

I saw the children I would never have, they were beautiful I could hear their voices as if they were right next to me, if I could I would have flinched away. I pictured the man I would never let love me, he would hold me and together we would be able to concur the impossible, because we had each other. I could see clearly this beautiful life that would never be mine. It could have been mine; it would have been if it weren't for one person. This person changed my world; he shook it down to the core until I couldn't recognize what planet I was on. He changed everything about me, the way I looked, the way I saw the world, he filled me full of darkness until I was drowning in it. One man changed even the most basic things about me; it was him that made me the way I was today. It was Phil that did this to me. Phil Dwyer.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful review and follows and such! I have had a horrible case of writers block but I think I'm finally getting over it! If you have any ideas about where you think this story should go please let me know! Also I don't have a beta so all mistakes are my own. _

I felt a pulling sensation, like someone was reaching through the darkness. There was still no light but the sensation was still there. It grabbed hold of me and dragged me through the darkness, I pondered how this force didn't get lost, with no light to lead it, how did it know where to go?

Suddenly my eyes snapped open; I could see Charlie's face in front of mine. He was speaking but there was a loud ringing in my ears and I couldn't hear what he was saying. I wanted to open my mouth and say something but I had no control over my body, I felt like I was in water. It was an unpleasant sensation, like when you hold your breath under water for too long, you breath in the water and when you came back up your lungs hurt, your ears popped, and your eyes burned.

I felt drained, like the energy had been sucked out of me. I fought to keep my eyes open but it was a losing battle. Consciousness slipped away from me easily, it was pleasant. I didn't dream, it was like my body need to be recharged.

When I woke up I was in my bed under a mountain of covers. I looked over to my window, it was dark outside. I sat up in bed and winced, I was sore everywhere I must have fallen a lot harder than I thought. I got out of bed deciding to face Charlie now instead of put it off. Walking down stairs I expected to find him on the couch in front of the tv again but the tv was off as were the lights in the living room. The only light that was on was the one in the dining room. I walked in to see Charlie with his head in his hands and a cup of untouched coffee.

"Dad?" he jumped at the sound of my voice when he turned to look at me I froze. His eyes were rimmed with red and he looked like he had aged 10 years in one night.

"Bella," he jumped up from the chair and ran over to hug me. I think in the past few days we hugged more than we had my whole life.

"I'm sorry dad; I didn't mean to scare you. I heard you talking to Renee when I got home and I just…I'm sorry." He pulled away and looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"This isn't your fault Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just so glad you're ok, you really scared me kid." He pulled away, he did look a little better but he seriously needed some sleep.

"I'm ok dad, why don't you go to sleep? I'll be alright, I promise." I didn't know if that was a promise I could keep but he really did look bad, and I felt responsible for that. I asked to come here and now my broken mind was making his life harder than it needed to me.

"Alright, but only if you try to get some more sleep too." He smiled weakly, I thought he was going to try to ask me what had happened but he just shuffled up to his room without another word. I knew he wouldn't leave it alone for long but at least he gave me tonight.

I did as Charlie had asked and went up to my room to try and sleep, I didn't really want to for fear of the nightmares that might follow but I really didn't have many other options.

I found myself in a meadow of some kind, it looked like Forks with the moss covered trees but the sun was beaming through the trees, nothing at all like the small town I knew. I turned to see Jasper, he was about 10 feet away and had his face lifted up towards the sun and was smiling, a real smiled not those stupid smirks he seemed to favor. He looked toward me and his eyes were a bright gold, brighter than they had been at school. He was looking at something over my shoulder and when I turned to see what it was I found Edward. He wasn't smiling like his brother, he was about the same distance away as Jasper but I could see his eyes were dark, if I didn't know better I would have said they were black.

I heard a loud bang, whipping my head around back to Jasper he was still standing there smiling. What was that sound? I heard it again but this time three in a row. Was it a gun shot?

I shot up from my bed, it was a dream. I looked out my window and it was pouring down rain. I looked to my alarm clock and saw it was 4:30, had I really been asleep all day? I heard the loud bang from my dream and realized it was someone knocking on the front door. I walked out of my room towards the sound forgetting I was still in my pjs from the night before. I opened the door to find Edward dripping wet and still wearing the coat I had given back to him.

"I noticed you haven't been in school so I took some notes for you and got the homework," Edward shoved some papers in my hand and was looking anywhere but at me.

"Thank you, you really didn't have to do that." I didn't want to tell him I had already taken biology so I was positive I knew the material.

"I also wanted to ask if you were doing anything this Friday?" he still wasn't looking at me but it did sound a lot like he was about to ask me out.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well I wanted to know if you wanted to go have dinner, maybe see a movie." He looked up to me now, his eyes bright golden, so different from the dream I just had.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, but I'll see you tomorrow at school." I closed the door not wanting to hear anymore. This trip to Forks was not turning out like I had planned.

I went back up to my room thinking of the odd boys in the Cullen family. There was something strange about them, I didn't know why Jasper was acting so strange or why Edward was so nervous, but mostly I didn't know why I cared.

I walked into my room and found a note from Charlie.

"I wanted to let you get some rest today so I turned off your alarm clock. Don't worry about school, it'll be there tomorrow."

It was written in Charlie's chicken scratch handwriting, explaining why I had slept so late.

I had just decided to take a shower and then start some dinner when I heard the doorbell again. If Edward was really about to ask me out again we were going to have a problem. I marched back down the stair prepared to tell Edward to shove off when I got a pretty big surprise. When I opened the door it wasn't the bronze haired boy I expected but rather his blond brother.

"Jasper? What are you doing here?" he was standing there with that same smirk on his face that I just wanted to slap off of him. I wasn't usually filled with thoughts so violent but there was something so false about it, like he was trying too hard to portray an image.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my house after school tomorrow." I noticed how it wasn't actually a question. He was leaning against my door frame his hands in his pockets again; I had the strangest urge to ask him about it.

I was about to tell him no suddenly I had an idea.

"How about I make you a deal?" he looked honestly shocked for a second but then recovered.

"What kind of deal?"

"You tell me your secret, then I'll come to your house." His stupid smirk fell and I felt an odd sense of accomplishment.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He crossed his arms and set his lips in a hard line.

"Fine." If he wanted to play that way I could too. I stepped back and started to close the door but then, as it was about to close Jasper shoved his foot in the way.

"Alright! You have a deal. I'll find you after your last class," he didn't smirk but looked smug that he had gotten what he wanted. He turned around and walked back to his car without another word.

I closed the door and rolled my eyes, I had a feeling tomorrow would be a very interesting day.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: I did this chapter pretty fast so if there are a lot of mistakes I'm sorry. Let me know what you think._

I woke up the next morning to see the sun shining brightly through the window, I stretched and winched. Looking around I realized I wasn't in my room; I was on the couch in the living room. There was a blanket thrown across me. I went to lie down after Jasper had left, did I really fall asleep again?

I got up and went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee when I saw the time, 7:30. I was going to be late! I started to run out of the kitchen but stopped before I got to the stairs, if I wanted to make it up them without a broken ankle I couldn't run.

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, forgoing the shower and throwing my hair in a messy bun. I dressed quickly and grabbed my things before rushing out the door.

When I arrived at school the first bell was ringing as I pulled into the parking lot, I gathered my things and went to my first class. I was late and the teacher gave me a disapproving look but other than that didn't say anything.

Other than the rush to get ready this morning my day had been fairly normal until second period. I walked in and sat down at my normal table, I sat in a desk right next to Mike and the second he saw me he started shooting off questions.

"Bella! Where have you been? You missed two days! Were you sick? I had the flu a few months ago, worst week of my life." His words came out in a rush like they normally did his eyes darting around like he would find the answers somewhere around my head.

Wait, did he say two days?

"Mike, what day is it?" I ignored all his questions; I wasn't interested in lying to him or telling him the truth.

"It's Friday, oh hey! Speaking of, a couple people are going to First beach after school today since it's such a nice day outside. Did you want to go?" he gave me those puppy dog eyes, I was about to say no when I remembered Charlie's face last night, or maybe two nights ago. I turned to him to let him know I would go when the teacher called for our attention.

I was pulling out my things when I heard Mikes voice, again.

"Holy crow! Bella, is that a tattoo?" I closed my eyes; I knew the entire class was looking at us now. In my rush this morning I had forgotten my ring.

"Mr. Newton, are you done or am I interrupting your conversation?" Mike sat in his seat after the teacher scolded him. The rest of class went on without incident, when the bell rang I left the class and didn't wait or Mike. I could handle a lot of things but today Mike wasn't one of them.

By the time lunch rolled around I had calmed down, I walked into the cafeteria expecting to see the Cullen's at their usual table but they were gone.

"Hi Bella," I turned to see Angela walking up to me.

"Hey, have you seen any of the Cullen's today?" I asked as we walked to the food lines.

"The Cullen's are really outdoorsy so whenever it's sunny outside, they all go hiking, even Dr. Cullen and his wife." She acted like it was totally normal, I didn't feel the same way. I could NOT picture Rosalie hiking through the woods on any day. On this so called "nice day" it was still 58 degrees, not really lovely hiking weather. Then again it wasn't really beach weather either but I guess the kids had to find something to do on a Friday night.

"Did Mike tell you about the beach?" I was getting a tray when I realized how hungry I was, which made sense because I had apparently been asleep for two days.

"Yea he did, I think I'm going to go, even though it's freezing outside." Angela laughed.

"There's a bonfire tonight, some of the teenagers in La Push do it every once in a while." We walked back to the table with our food, when we sat down everyone was talking about the trip to the beach until Mike opened his mouth.

"So Bella, when did you get the tattoo?" everyone suddenly got quiet and looked at me.

"On my 18th birthday." There was no point in trying to hide it now, might as well tell everyone now so I wouldn't have to repeat myself.

"Well what is it?" Lauren asked as she sneered at me.

"A peace sign," Lauren snorted, not so lady like.

I didn't say anything else or let anyone see it, conversation picked back up and everyone started to discuss plans for the beach. I didn't say anything else, preferring to eat my lunch quietly.

The rest of the day was uneventful, boring even. Even though I missed two days I wasn't too far behind.

After my last class I went home to catch up on my missed school work and make some dinner for Charlie. I hopped in my car and made the drive to La Push. I was curious about the Cullen's but Edward and Jasper in particular. I didn't have a clue why Edward had asked me to dinner seeing as he had only said a handful of sentences to me.

As I neared the beach I saw a large fire being started. I parked my truck and hopped out. It was slightly warmer than normal but still nothing like Phoenix. I walked up to the bonfire and saw 5 very large native men; they all looked to be in their early twenties. I decided to take a walk down the beach and wait for everyone else to get there when something strange happened.

"Bella?" one of the native men called out to me, I turned around and came face to face with a man who was at least 6 foot 2. He had short cropped hair and a tattoo on his upper arm, and despite is being in the 50's he was shirtless.

"I'm sorry; I don't think we've met." I looked up at this man and tried to think of when I we would have been introduced but came up with nothing.

"It's me, Jacob. Billy's son, we used to play together when we were kids." He smiled at me so brightly it was almost like feeling the sun.

"Jake? Wow, you grew up." There were flashes of memories in my head, a small russet skinned boy running around a yard covered in mud. I thought I remembered him being younger than me but he looked to be almost 20, if not older.

"There's something in the water here." He said causing the men behind him to laugh. They were all quite large, maybe they all worked in his dad's garage. If I remember correctly Billy had owned a mechanical shop just outside Forks.

"So, how are you liking it here? It's been what, 10 years since I last saw you?" he started walking down the beach with me, putting some distance between us and the other boys.

"I've only been here for about a week but so far it's been interesting. I'm still trying to get used to the cold weather. What about you? How have you been?" I was intrigued by this man; he was filled with so much light, being around him just felt like the most natural thing.

"I've been great. School has been hard this year; I've been having trouble not falling behind. I have a lot on my plate with taking care of my dad and some stuff with the Rez."

"Where do you go to school?" I couldn't think of too many colleges that were in the area, unless he was going to a community college. But even then it was out is Port A.

"I go to the high school on the Rez." I stopped walking and looked up at him. This man in front of me looked to be at least 20.

"What grade are you in?" he had a very amused look on his face as I asked my question.

"I'm a sophomore."

"What?" he threw his head back and laughed. In that moment I saw is heart, it was warm and open. It had never seen true darkness, a heart like his that was so willing to give love wasn't something you came across every day.

He pulled me over to still on a log right by the water. Sitting next to him I could feel waves of heat coming off of him.

"How are you Bella?" he leaned back against the log, he wasn't looking at me, instead he was looking out at the water.

"I'm…" I was about to say fine but there was something about him that made me not want to lie. I couldn't very well tell him the truth but there wasn't anything coming out of my mouth.

"I heard about what happened to you." I turned to him; I could only imagine what my face must have looked like.

"Charlie thought you were dead, we all did. When you came back after two years, light came back to his eyes. He was on a plane as soon as he got off the phone. I think it's good that you're here, and I know Charlie's glad you're here." He didn't look at me while he said all this; instead he continued to look at the waves.

He didn't give me a chance to respond, not that I really knew what to say, he stood up and offered me his hand.

"Your friends are here." I took his hand; we didn't speak as we walked toward the fire.

The rest of the night was what you would expect from teenagers in a small town. They had food and beer, by the end of the night both Jessica and Lauren were drunk and screaming at each other about some boy, I think his name was Paul.

I spent most of the night thinking about what Jake had said to me. I had truly thought Charlie was the only one that knew, but that was rather naïve of me. I knew his best friend was Billy Black, went I was gone I'm sure he had to talk to someone about it. I didn't think Jake would tell anyone but that fact that someone besides Charlie knew made me feel exposed. Like an open wound, just waiting to get infected.

As the night came to a close Jake said goodbye to me and walked me to my truck. I wasn't sure what to make of him, was everyone in this state strange?

As I drove home I thought about all the things I knew, like the fact that Jake was 16 and he looked like he was 20. He was walking around without a shirt in 50 degree weather, no matter how long you lived in a town like this that was just strange. All of the Cullen's were absent from school when it was sunny, and at least two of them had the exact same eye color, perhaps all of them did. Edward had been really cold when I touched him, my rational mind told me that was because he didn't have his coat all day but in my heart I didn't believe it.

I was still thinking about all of this when I walked into my house and found Charlie sitting in the living room; he was watching tv and had a beer in his hand.

"Hey dad," I was planning on just going up to my room but as I walked past the living room Charlie turned the tv off.

"Bella, we need to talk." I stopped walking and looked down at my feet. I knew this was coming; I couldn't put this off forever. I was asleep for two days; I was honestly kind of surprised he didn't call a doctor.

"I just had a hard day and I wasn't prepared to hear you say things like that dad. It's still hard…I thought it would be easier here, without the memories everywhere." I didn't look up at him, he was such a strong man and at times like this I felt so weak like I didn't deserve to be his daughter.

"Bells, you really scared me. I didn't know what to do; I didn't know if you were going to wake up. I can't lose you again Bella." I saw him with his head in his hands again, I hated that I did this to him. He was the best thing in my life right now and I felt like the worst thing in his.

"I'm sorry dad," there really wasn't anything else I could say.

"Have you thought about talking to someone?" he looked up at me with pleading eyes.

"No. No more doctors." I didn't say anything else as I walked up to my room. I didn't want to see Charlie like this but I wouldn't go to a doctor, I couldn't.


End file.
